Saturday, March 24, 2012

His Reward

Those of us who do not try to interfere with fertility (yes, I am one of those who does not practice birth control) often cite Psalm 127:
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Among Christians, there is even an entire movement that draws its name from this psalm. Still, it is easy for mottoes to become cliche, rather than heartfelt.

During a miscarriage, especially when it is not the first, is one of those times. How is a miscarriage a reward? It is certainly "fruit of the womb," although the taste is bitter. But He does not necessarily reward with things that we enjoy. He rewards with what we need, and sometimes what we need and what He plans are not what we want.

Sometimes we need a reminder of the preciousness of life, that He is the one in control, that we need to rely on our families--especially our spouses--and that we need to be more attentive to our living children.

While the Psalms are lovely and inspired, those of my religious persuasion do not draw law from them. We only draw law from the first five books of the Bible (the Torah). Getting hung up on Psalm 127, succinct and inspiring as it is, draws attention away from the larger theme:
I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live
Deuteronomy 30:19
Being open to fertility is an important part of the directive to choose life, but being open to loss--to all the pleasure and pain of the life He has formed for us--is equally important. I must choose not to avoid the richness of my life, including this third loss of a child. I must choose to engage fully in both my life and those of my loved ones--learning through painful experience and practice not to withdraw when injured.

I choose life.

I choose the lives of my children--all five of them.

I choose my life.

LinkI choose my husband's life.

I choose my life with my husband.

I choose to meet my life head on.

It's hard.

Grief and self-medication are evasive.

I choose His Law. His Law is Life.

I hope this post brings some comfort to others. It has been linked with Welcome Home at Raising Arrows.

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